Make no mistake, I am just a lonely husband in search of good times. I'm not playing for a wage. I'm not playing to pay the bills. I'm playing to maintain a big enough bankroll that I can keep playing. In the sad, sad world of backroom, average whiteboy, online poker, I am a desperado of low-limit nothingness. Or something like that.

Sometimes I play smart. Sometimes I play carelessly. You tell me what happened in a cheap no-limit game last night.

On the button, I draw pocket nines. The pot is raised to $2.50 before it gets to me. I make it $5. Small blind calls as does the original raiser. Then, glory be, I flop a set. Of course, the flop could be prettier...7, 8, 9 with two hearts.

BB bets out at $5. Raiser makes it $10. And I'm looking at a set.

So, I actually think for once. Instead of measuring my navel-depth with a beer bottle, I consider what's happening.

The original raiser raised in middle position, then called a re-raise. I figure him for a high pair. Jacks, probably. My set has him beat, but a ten on the turn or river beats me.

BB bet out $5 on the flop after calling a raise and re-raise. I figure him for a Ace high flush draw. I got that beat, but fear another heart.

So, I've got a set against what I believe is a high pair with a straight draw and a ace high flush draw. There's about $30 in the pot.

I'm all in. $35 give or take. I figure the flush draw will fold and the high pair will call.

Not exactly. Flush draw calls. High pair folds (queens, as it turned out).

And that's where my heart actually started pounding. Flush draw turns up A3h. There's more than $90 in the pot.

It actually felt good, my heart playing "Whole Lotta Love" on my rib cage.

Or something like that.

It felt worse when a heart hit. And it felt worse when nothing else paired and my set lost to the flush.

So...I'm looking for the geniuses out there. The rounders. The, um, people who actually live within driving distance of a brick and mortar poker room.

Would you have made the same play?

Replies get the actual beer-bottle navel depth answer.

...with a simple website titled UltimateBet.com and has since gotten completely out of control, just ask my two cats Big Blind and Flop, formerly known to the world as Lottie and Brodie. (I still haven't informed my fiancee of the change.)

I bellied up to the virtual poker table underwater with a $1000 stake, all of which, to my surprise, was NOT real money. From there, I worked my way upto $1.5 million in 3 days. Amazing, huh?!? Even more amazing was the fact that it only took 3 days to convince my brother to lend me $1.5 million dollars after I blew my initial thousand in 12 minutes. (You didn't think I won the money.)

Things only got worse when I recently went home for the Holidays and spent time amongst 4 self-proclaimed "Greatest Poker Players of All-Time". I, of course, was the 5th.

York, PA was the setting of my first real money tournament, a $5 sit-and-go with 4 players. I came in second, thus breaking even, but eagerly entered the second $5 sit-and-go where I finished first. By the end of my East Coast tour, work thought I went on vacation for Christmas and charged me 7 paid days off claiming they were unaware of my semi-professional poker playing status, I had won $15. $15 dollars over 2 days is $7.50 a day. Over a year, my gross income would be $2,737.50... in other words, I just gave work notice.

Don't get me wrong, that's not a whole heck of a lot of dough, but it wasn't just the money that convinced me of my calling. As I sat and watched a poker marathon on the Travel Channel, I noticed that all the top players had cool nicknames: The Professor, Treetop, The Brat. I realized that it was necessary to earn one for myself.

When that failed, I just gave myself one!

It dawned on me, as I sat at the table with a pair of Aces on the turn, watching CJ go all in, that I had him wrapped around my finger. So it was no suprise when we showed our hands that he had two pair, Aces and 5's. Was I nervous? Uhhhh.... yes, but when the dealer flipped the river card, it all became clear. You see, I had A/Q and got K/5/8 on the flop. When CJ checked, I felt good about my hand, so when the A came on the turn, I had him! CJ went all in after I raised and then showed his A/5, 2 pair. Things looked very bleak until the 2nd King came on the flop. I won. A's and K's with the Queen kicker.

My nickname was born: Tom Sawyer. Confused?? I wasn't, but everyone else was, so I calmly explained about how Tom spent all that time on his raft.

"That was Huck Finn, you idiot," my brother calmly explained.

"Huck Finn", cuz I live on the river.

So with $15 in my pocket and a home made nick-name, I enter the small community of brilliant poker players. Let's just hope they don't notice and kick me out.

Until then... you can catch me on the river...

• Just because you got dealt pocket aces and he got pocket kings don't make you Doyle Brunson.
• There are people who just refuse to be bluffed. Don't try.
• They push the chips to the winner after the river; anything before that is just pretend.
• The older the player, the higher the kicker.
• Just like at the movies, when you walk into the room pay special attention to where the exits are and don't hesitate to use them in an emergency.
• You're supposed to be having fun.
• If you're having an awful session and are down to your last $20 or so, before you piss it away in disgust remember that those chips will buy you a pretty decent meal in whatever casino you happen to be in.
• If you can think of even one mistake you made during the hand, then it wasn't really a bad beat.
• Get up. Go for a walk. Get some air. That idiot who just sucked out on you will still be there with your chips when you get back.
• And finally: If you're drawing dead, try not to get there.

No Limit Hold'em, 9 players, $.10-$.25 blinds

I'm UTG when I get As-Kh. I raise to $.50 and get two callers.
The flop is 4c, Qh, Kd. That's a great flop for me. I bet the pot, $1.60 and get one caller.
The turn is the 9s. It doesn't change anything. I bet $2.50 and he calls.
The river is the 5d. There's no flush, no straight, no boat. I've got top pair with the best kicker, and a pair of A's isn't likely. Unless he's got a set or two pair, I'm gold.
I push him all-in for his last $3.20 and he calls. I show my As-Kh, and he shows Qc-Th. What the hell? He spent about $8 on second pair?
I raised pre-flop, and bet the pot on each card. What did he think I had?!? Anyway, works for me.
----------------------------------------------------------------

No Limit Hold'em Sit and Go, 10 players down to just 7, 15-30 blinds

I'm on the button when I get Ah-Ts. I just call the big blind and three of us will see the flop.
It comes 7c, 7s, 7d. Hmmm. Wish I had a pair. Any pair. It's checked to me and I bet 90 and the really big stack calls me.
The turn is the Tc. Hmmm. That's a boat. He checks, I bet 270, he calls. Good.
The river is the 3s. Hmmm. Not likely to help him. If he's got J's or Q's or K's or A's or a 7, he's doing a great job slow-playing me.
He checks, I go all-in for 890 hoping on one hand he calls, and on the other he folds. He doesn't call. Not only does he fold, but he shows me 2c-Td!!!
He had an almost 2-to-1 chip lead over me and he folded the best boat on the board?? Works for me.
----------------------------------------------------------------

No Limit Hold'em Sit and Go, 10 players down to just 6, 30-60 blinds

Otis is in late position when he sees Cowboys in his pocket. He raises to 120 and gets three callers.
The flop is Jc, 9c, Ts. Not the best flop for Otis. It's a straight flop and a flush draw.
There's two bettors in front of him, including one who goes all-in. Otis raises big to force the other caller out and it's showdown time.
Otis shows his Kh-Kc and the other guy has 3h-Qh. He's on a straight draw with only 6 outs (Otis has the other two K's). At this point, Otis is a 78% favorite.
The turn is a meaningless 6c. Otis is now an 88% favorite.
You know where this is going. The river not only fills the straight, but it's the Kd. The third K. Tough beat.
----------------------------------------------------------------

No Limit Hold'em Sit and Go, 10 players down to just 4, 50-100 blinds

I'm on the button, in last place in chips, when American Airlines lands in front of me. I raise to 450 and get one caller.
The flop is 8h, 7c, 8d. He checks, I go all-in and he calls.
It's showdown time and my As-Ah is going up against his Ac-Js. Yes! I'm a whopping 98% favorite! I might as well start reaching for the chips.
The turn is the Th. No problem. He needed running J's to beat me. Whoa... where'd that straight draw come from. Suddenly, I'm just a 91% favorite.
Again, you guessed it. The 9d on the river. The miracle running flush. I'm busted in 4th, just out of the money. Ouch.
----------------------------------------------------------------

No Limit Hold'em Sit and Go, 10 players down to 9, 5-10 blinds

I haven't played a hand yet, but now I've got one, Js-Jc. It's raised to 55 in front of me and I call. Four of us will see the flop.
It brings Th, 6s, 9h. I like it. I've got an overpair and a running straight draw. Only the hearts scare me.
I bet 230 and two players after me go all-in. Huh!??! Damn. It's early, I fold, right? Guess I'll risk it, I'm that stupid.
Showdown time and I'm up against Ts-Tc and 8h-7h. How dumb am I? I called trip 10's and the nut straight with a straight flush draw.
I've got just a 3% chance here, and the 10's have just a 30% chance.
The turn brings the Jd. Hmmmm. Suddenly I'm up to a 12% chance!
And the river? Sorry, it's not the miracle J. It's a meaningless 4c. Why'd I call?
----------------------------------------------------------------

No Limit Hold'em, 10 players, $.10-$.25 blinds

I'm in a middle position with Ad-Js. I raise to $.50 and get two callers.
The flop is a beauty! Jd, As, Jc. Are there many better feelings than this? The only hand that beats me right now is rockets, and that's not likely.
I'm slooooow playing, so I check. $.25 is the bet and I just call. Three of us will see the turn.
It's the Qs. Harmless, unless there's a pair of Q's out there. $2.35 is the bet and I call, the other guy folds.
The river is the Ah. Now the other A splits. Ugh. He goes in for his last $.20 and I call.
Show down time and he's got Tc, Kc. The Q on the turn gave him a straigth. That's why he suddenly bet into me. Works for me!
----------------------------------------------------------------

Taking a Shot: High-Stakes Gambling, Moviemaking, & the New American Dream is a new movie project from Camden Pictures.

I only found about this movie because the website linked to an Up For Poker entry about the television explosion. Our link landed among links from AdAge.com and Business 2.0.

I spent the next 5 minutes reading all about it. It's fascinating. They've been to the Four Queens Poker Classic and The World Poker Finals in Foxwood. Next month they'll be at the Jack Binion World Poker Open. It all ends at the granddaddy of them all, The World Series of Poker next May.

It helps that one of the two producers, Susan Genard, has some poker tournament experience. She finished 14th out of 127 players in an Omaha Hi-Lo tourney at Foxwoods. That meant a paycheck, and more money to make the film.

With the poker explosion we're seeing, I've got to imagine there is more money behind this movie than just they money they make at the table, but that doesn't take any luster off the project.

When this documentary finally makes it to a big or small screen, we'll hear from some of the top tournament players in the world. We'll also hear from everyone from celebrities to dead money.

Who knows, maybe we'll see Susan at the final table next May, and they'll be able to make a big budget poker movie (starring Wil Wheaton?).

Hand #22

I've sat for 21 hands without even getting a look. I'm at 940 chips and in an early position when I see cowboys.
I raise the big blind of 20 to 50 and get two callers. The flop comes 3s, 2d, Kd. I really couldn't ask for a better flop, except for the two diamonds.
I decide to check-raise, it's early and I've demonstrated I'm a tight player, maybe someone will try to buy it.
Shahshank42 bets 180 and amazingly, ajperez78 raises to 720. I've got the nuts, so I raise all-in. ajperez78 calls.
Showdown time and he shows just Ah-Ks. Only running aces will beat me, and instead it's running 8's. I'm up to 2140.
----------------------------------------------------------------

Hand #30

A few hands later I'm a middle position with Ac-Tc. I raise again to 50 and get one caller.
The flop is 7c, 7d, Ad. If he stayed in with a 7 on that raise, he's going to get my money. I bet 130, he calls.
The turn fills me up when the Ah falls. I go all-in and when he calls, I know he's got the other ace. The pot is split and I'm at 2035.
----------------------------------------------------------------

Hand #64

I took another 34 hands off and I'm down to 1770. I'm probably playing too tight, especially with the stack I earned early.
I'm in the big blind of 40 when I get a pair of sixes in my pocket. Two players call me and I simply check. I've never been good with middle pairs.
The flop comes Kh, 5h, 3c. We all check. Either no one has the King or someone is slow-playing.
The turn is a beauty, the 6c. Even the minimum bet may have forced me out before the turn, instead I have a set and bet 120. mrmax calls.
The river is another 3 and I'm full. Even if he has the miracle 2-4 (and who would?), I still beat him. I bet 360 and he folds. I'm up to 1970.
----------------------------------------------------------------

Hand #73

A few hands later, I'm at 1990 and UTG when I get Ah-Qd. I raise to 80 and only the small blind calls.
The flop is 8c, Kc, 3h. He checks and I decided to try and buy it. I bet 200. Unfortunately he calls.
The turn is the Ks. He checks and I throw more money into the deep well of "maybe I can bluff him."
This time it's 150, and this time he goes all-in. I quickly fold and I'm down to 1530.
----------------------------------------------------------------

Hand #75

I'm in the small blind of 30 when I get one of my favorite hands, pocket tens. I'm gun-shy from two hands ago and just call, four of us are in the hand.
The flop is 7h, 7s, Ah. Ugh. I check, but so does everyone else.
The turn is the Ks. I check, and so does everyone else. I'm starting to think maybe I should bet. However, there's been a lot of slow-playing so far.
The river is the As. I bet 60 and get one caller. He's got the K and it beats my tens. I'm down to 1380.
----------------------------------------------------------------

Hand #86

Way back at hand #22, I was at 2140. Now I'm down to 1230 on the button when I get a pair of jacks. I raise to 210 but get no callers. Maybe I should have raised a little less.
----------------------------------------------------------------

Hand #89

Three hands later I'm in a late position with 1320 when I get cowboys again. However, I didn't learn my lesson, because the raise to 270 forced everyone out. I am up to 1470 now.
----------------------------------------------------------------

Hand #92

I'm in an early position at 1470 when I get Ad-8d. This time I do a minimum raise to 120 and everyone still folds. I'm up to 1560.
----------------------------------------------------------------

Break #1

During the first hour, I made 560 chips, but I was up to 2140 rather early and squandered that. Those late blinds I grabbed helped a bit.
----------------------------------------------------------------

Hand #96

The blinds are up to 50-100 and I'm on the button when a pair of pretty ladies come calling. An early bettor raises to 350, I call, and a short stack goes all-in for 290.
The flop is 9d, 8c, Js. I like it. My pair is bigger than anything on the board. I go all-in, forcing the other player out. It's showdown time with the other all-in player.
He shows just a pair of 5's, and with just two outs, I'm feeling good. The 4s on the turn and 7h on the river don't help him. I'm back up to 2100.
----------------------------------------------------------------

Hand #104

It's big blind time (100) when I get rags, 5c-7s. With three callers, I just check. I'll see a flop.
When it comes 7h, 7d, 6d, I silently thank the other players for just calling the blind!
Even with two diamonds on the board, I decide to slow-play. I'm not sure why, there's already 400 in the pot. Everyone checks.
The turn is the Td. That makes the flush for anyone with two diamonds. Ugh. Time to see if anyone's got it. I bet 400 and get one caller.
The river is the 9c. I'm paranoid. I see a flush and I figure I was lucky to be in the hand anyway. I just check and so does he.
My fear was unfounded because he just has Kd-Th. I take 1200 to get to 2750.
----------------------------------------------------------------

Hand #106

I'm on the button with 2600 when I see my second pair of sixes of the tourney. A small stack goes all-in for 625 and I put him on Ax. I call.
Showdown time and he's got Ac-4d. That gives him just three outs, unless he gets real lucky.
The board comes 5d, Qs, Js, 7h, 2h and I take another 1400 to get to 3375, my high water mark so far.
----------------------------------------------------------------

Hand #118

The blinds are up to 75-150 and I'm in a middle position with 3000 when those pretty ladies come back. I raise to 525 and everyone folds. Do I play my big pairs to big? I should probably just keep my raises to the standard 3 times the big blind.
----------------------------------------------------------------

Hand #125

I'm still at 3000 on the button when cowboys come for the third time. I do just the minimum raise and everyone folds.
----------------------------------------------------------------

Hand #126

Next hand and it's sixes once again. I call the big blind and three of us will see a flop.
It comes 8d, Qs, 3d. It's checked to me. I bet the minimum 150 and I get raised to 300. He's probably got a Q, but I'll call the minimum raise to see if I get lucky.
When the turn brings my third 6 I think back to hand #64. He goes all-in for 700 and I gladly call.
It's showdown time and he's got just Qh-Jh. When the river brings the 3c, I take 2525 to move up to 4600.
----------------------------------------------------------------

Hand #132

I'm in the big blind of 200 when I get Jc-5c. Well, at least they're suited. One caller and I check.
The flop is 8c, 9c, As. Well, now I've got a flush draw. We both check.
The turn is the 2h. We both check. A sizeable bet would have forced me out here. I don't generally chase.
The river is the 3c. That's the flush. I bet 500 and he goes all-in for 3225. Did he catch a better flush? There's three cards that would do it, and I don't think he's got them. I call.
The 3c was about the worse card that could come for him because he had 3s-3d. My flush beats his trip-3's, and I jump up to 8025 and 2nd place overall.
----------------------------------------------------------------

Hand #135

I've moved tables, and find myself at the same table as the tourney leader. I'm in middle position when I get Ad-Td. I raise to 500 and a short stack goes all-in for 1400. I call.
He shows a big hand, Qh-Qd. At this point, I need an ace or some diamonds.
On the flop, I get not one ace, but two! Just one problem. There's a Q as well.
The 9d on the turn and 3s on the river do nothing for me and my set of aces lose to a full house. I'm down to 6625 and in third place. I don't like this table.
----------------------------------------------------------------

Hand #140

I'm in the small blind of 100 when I get Ah-3h. I simply call and four of us will see the flop.
It comes 5h, 2h, 7h. Jackpot! Are there many feelings in poker better than flopping the nuts?
Slow play time. I'm new at this table, and they have no idea what I do. I check. One guy bets 200, another raises to 400, I call, and it's just him and I.
The turn is another 5. Ugh. That's what I get for slow-playing. Suddenly the nuts is any pair that hit the board. I'm not giving up, however.
I check, he bets 600 and I raise to 3600. That would force him all-in and he's unwilling to go there. I take in 3000 to move back to 8225 and 2nd place.
----------------------------------------------------------------

Hand #141

Next hand and it's even better than the last one. Pocket rockets for the first time this tourney.
It's raised to 1400 long before me and I raise to 2600. He calls.
The flop is 4d, Ac, 5s. Another beautiful flop and I force him all-in for his last 200. He calls.
His J's are virtually drawing dead, and when the turn is the 2s and the river 5h, he is dead. It's another 5900 and I'm at 11325 and in 1st place!
----------------------------------------------------------------

Hand #153

The blinds are up to 150-300 when I get Ad-Jh in a middle position. I raise to 600 and get one caller.
The flop is 8c-4d-2d. He's got just 305 left, so I decided to force him all-in and he calls.
For the showdown, he's got Tc-Td, and now I need an A or J on the river or turn to knock him out.
The turn is the Jc I was looking for, and the river is a harmless 5s. It's another 2260 and now I'm at 12680.
----------------------------------------------------------------

Hand #155

It took me 141 hands to get it once, and just 14 hands later I'm looking at American Airlines again. UTG, I raise to 900 and get two callers (one of them all-in).
The flop is 2c, 5s, 6d. I bet 5000 and the other guy still in the hand folds. It's showdown time.
He's got a harmless Ks-Qc. The turn is the 8d and the river the 5c. It's another 3120 to 14600, still 1st place.
----------------------------------------------------------------

Hand #157

I'm in the small blind of 150 when I get a pair of 9's. I just call and three of us will see the flop.
It's 6c, 6h, Jh. I bet the minimum 300 and get one caller.
The turn is the 5h. I bet the minimum again and get called.
The river is the Ac. Another minimum bet, another call, and he shows As-Jc.
That's the way not to play with a big stack. I had an almost 2-1 chip advantage. Why not throw some real chips out there and see if he's got anything before he catches something on the river?
----------------------------------------------------------------

Hand #172

I'm in the big blind of 400 when I get the monster hand: 3d-2c. No one raises so I get to see the flop along with the small blind.
It's 6d, 3s, 6s. Does he have a 6? Probably not. He bets 400, I raise to 800 and he calls.
The turn is the 3c and I'm full. If he has a 6, his boat beats mine. He checks. Trapping? Time to find out.
I bet 2400 and he folds, showing me As-8s. He was looking for a flush. I take 2400 to get to 15330.
----------------------------------------------------------------

Hand #179

I've taken some blinds to get to 16300, still 1st place. I'm in an early position when I get Ac-Qh. I raise to 1000 and a short stack of 670 goes all-in.
Showdown time and he's got Kd-Jc. I've got the advantage, he needs to pair something.
The flop is Ts, 7h, 3h. No help for anyone. The turn is the Qc giving me a pair. The river is the Jd giving him a smaller pair. I'm up to 17170.
----------------------------------------------------------------

Break #2

I really did well that hour. I moved from 1560 to 15970. I'm in 1st place overall and we're down to just 20 players, just two tables. I'm feeling good, I'm already in the money.
----------------------------------------------------------------

Hand #207

That's right. I've got the big stack and I haven't made a real move for 18 hands. The blinds have me down to 14170. And suddenly, one player at the table is up to 34500. He's caught every card.
I'm on the button when I get 4s-4h. A small pair, and I don't like small pairs. I call, and four of us will see the flop.
It's 8c, 9h, 3s. pumakid21, that really big stack, bets 1400, and, for some reason, I call. Maybe I'm looking for the magic my sixes brought me twice on the turn.
The turn is the 9s, no magic. He bets 5500 and I fold. I'm down to 12170 and 4th place.
----------------------------------------------------------------

FINAL TABLE

It took quite a few more hands, but we finally got down to 10 and the final table. The blinds knocked me down to 10970, but still 4th place. I couldn't catch a card to save my life. Since break #2, it's been feast for pumakid21 and famine for me.
----------------------------------------------------------------

Hand #2

We've been at the table for just two hands when I get my first big slick of the entire tourney, Ah-Kc.
I'm in an early position when I raise to 2800. Everyone folds until pumakid21 raises me to 4800.
It's decision time.
I can fold and live to fight another day. I can call and see the flop. I can raise all-in and roll the dice.
Here were chip totals going into this hand:

segor is at seat 0 with 2100.
pumakid21 is at seat 1 with 62350.
short is at seat 2 with 7025.
observer is at seat 3 with 3670.
cusephenom is at seat 4 with 10970.
rickster71 is at seat 5 with 18760.
Ionic is at seat 6 with 5205.
SEFT is at seat 7 with 15855.
stoppiello is at seat 8 with 9400.
duece is at seat 9 with 665.

The blinds alone were about to knock out duece, and a few other players weren't far behind. If I move up a few spots, I increase my winnings.
However, if I'm going to win this thing, doubling-up would help a lot. Especially taking those chips from the big stack.
If it's anyone with fewer chips than me, I'm in without a second thought. What am I worried about?
I raise all-in and he calls. Showdown time and he's got just Kh-Jh. I breathe a sigh of relief. He didn't have a pair.
I'm a 70% favorite to win the hand before the flop.
The flop is 4c, 2h, Qd. I'm now an 83% favorite! Can you guess where this is going?
The turn is the Jc. Ugh. I suddenly have just 7 outs (any T or an A), and I've got just a 16% chance of catching.
The river is a Kd. I catch a pair, but he catches two and I'm the first one to leave the final table. I turn my $5 investment into $10, yet I'm stil rather disappointed.
I think I learned a lesson. Don't fight a big stack at the final table. Pick your spots. I was patient the whole tourney just to become rash on hand #2. Lesson learned for next time.

I mean, let's picture the scene. Straus had just lost what we can assume to be a big hand, one that he must have thought eliminated him from the tournament. He's standing up, saying his goodbyes, getting ready to leave when he picks up his pack of Lucky Strikes...hey! I still have a chip!

But how could he have been left with one chip? If he had just lost a big, all-in pot, wouldn't that last chip belong to the winner of the previous hand (and this must have been discovered immediately, or else he wouldn't have continued to be dealt in)? If he had just pushed in all of his chips (minus the hidden last one) and was called by his opponent, wouldn't that certainly violate some kind of rule, creating a kind of stealth all-in that did not allow his opponent to truly put him all-in? I suppose his opponent could have had exactly $500 less than him, but that seems fairly unlikely. Could his opponents have just been scared of saying anything that might piss off the six-foot-seven Straus (he wasn't called Treetop for nothing)?

Not to take anything away from his obviously epic achievement, but if anybody has any insight into what might have happened there, I'd certainly be curious to read about it.

To be fair, it was not the producers of the World Poker Tour that developed the beauty of televised poker. The people who began producing the World Series of Poker for Discovery and ESPN deserve that credit. The problem there was a lack of marketability and the one-time a year format. Thanks to The Travel Channel for letting the rest of the world in on the game with the weekly series.

The Travel Channel was our wonderful little mutant lemming. It flies today and it will fly again in season #2. But like many good ideas gone before it, the marketability of televised poker is spawning some unfortunately suicidal productions.

I had seen a couple of bad poker productions leading up to last night, but I let them go. Silly lemmings.

But then I accidentally stumbled on the Celebrity Poker Showdown on Bravo. I'm not sure what bothered me more. It was either that the entire show was based on celebrity coffehousing, or that the poker was so, so bad.

I'll admit, I'm no fan of making celebrities into athletes/gamers/actors/etc or vice versa. People should stay in their damned place and stop pretending they can replicate Brian Bosworth's storied success jumping from football to acting (wait, maybe that didn't really happen).

But, seriously, the lineup last night was pathetic and the poker was pathetic. The only thing I took away from the show was pride in turning it off before it was over.

It's a shame, too, because it incorporated a lot of things I like. I like Kevin Pollack. I like Phil Gordon (if not for poker, for his ability to be a gazillionaire at such an early age and do something good with his life). I like televised poker. Somehow, though, the show came off as forced pablum. And David Schwimmer is about as boring a person as they come. Had he not suffered such a horribly bad beat (a set of rockets beat by a suckout straight), I would've hated him as much as I hate Ross on Friends.

By the time my remote was trying to find a re-run of Law and order: SVU, the poor little celebrity lemming had hit the bottom of the canyon with enough force to rattle my chips off the table.

I will admit, though, FOX Sports Net may have something. Its Showdown at the Sands was an ambitious production, airing just a few hours after the tournament was complete. The closer we get to live poker, the closer I'll be to heaven. The Showdown's biggest problem was I had to watch it with the sound turned off. The unfortunate choice in commentators (my worship of Howard Lederer notwithstanding) made it unbearable to listen to.

Eventually, producers will learn what Michael Keaton's blockbuster Multiplicty taught us so well: If you copy a copy of a copy, eventually you're going to end up with something really ugly.

In this case that ugly mess is lemming guts all over Bravo Canyon.

Well, the first matchup is probably no contest, as it was just about as bad a beat as one could have. Interestingly enough, though, both times I was holding the exact same hand!

Playing in a loose $4/$8 game at the Trop in AC when I call with 9d7d in late position. My weak play is temporarily rewarded when the flop comes 773 with no diamonds. There's an early bet, one call by a Asian women who's playing everything and calling to the river, I raise, and it's just me and her. The turn is a Queen: check, I bet, she calls. The river is...another Queen, and she bets out! I mean, did she...could she...yep. She turns over Queen Jack to take it down.

I don't know why I was annoyed, though. I mean, I was only a 99.39% favorite after the flop! Only running Queens or Jacks could kill me, and there they were.

My suckout was a healthy support of my rule about slowplaying: Don't Slowplay! Okay...I mean, you flop quads or another absolute monster you can string people along a bit, but otherwise, you give enough free cards and eventually somebody might find something.

Later that day, in a game at the Taj, I call with the same 9d7d one off the button (don't let it be said that I ever learn a lesson!) only to be raised by the button. The blinds actually fold, and four or five of us see a 348 rainbow (one diamond) flop. Checked to me, the raiser checks, and we see a free turn: a 6, putting two spades on the board. Well, I figure I'll try a bet with my open-ender and some scary low cards, only to get raised again by the button. Folded around to me, I call (probably yet another bad play this hand) to see the river: the 5 of spades, making my straight but putting a possible flush out there. Check, he bets, I call to see him turn over pocket 8's!

The button slowplayed his top set on what looked like a completely safe board (and I guess it was; I obviously fold to a bet on the flop), giving me a chance to find a little something. Things weren't completely dire, though: I did have a 7.37% chance to win the hand after the flop.

So after one week, the standings are Bad Beats 1, Suckouts 0.

Here are all the hands I was able to record. Unless it got to a showdown, I don't know what Otis had. Enjoy!

Hand #15

It's early, Otis has 980 chips in the big blind of 20 and no one raises in front of him, so he checks. Four players are in the hand.
The flop comes 6c, Kd, 7h. Otis opens with 80 and "pkschump" calls.
The turn is the 8s, putting a straight draw on the board. Otis bets 55, "pkschump" raises to 180, Otis calls.
The river is the 4h, four parts of a straight. Otis bets 75, "pkschump" raises to 150, Otis calls.
"pkschump" shows pocket rockets, Otis' Kh, Ts doesn't cut it.
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Hand #16

Next hand, and our hero is already down to 550. He's in the small blind of 10 and after two callers in front of him, he raises to 100. Is he tilting already? His early nemesis, "pkschump" calls.
The flop brings 3h, 3s, Ks. Otis limps with 20 and "pkschump" calls.
The turn is the Th. Otis limps again with 20 and "pkschump" raises. Otis goes all-in for 430 and gets called. Is it over already?
Showdown time and this time, Otis has American Airlines, "pkschump" has Ad, Kd. Only a K knocks out Otis.
The river is a harmless Qh, and Otis is back up to 1140.
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I lost a hand in here, but Otis bet big again, only to lose when yet another AA showed up.

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Hand #22

Otis is down to 660 in an early position. He raises to 70 and gets two callers.
The flop is 6c, Jc, 2d. Otis bets 80 and both call.
The turn is the 7d. Otis goes all-in for 510. Is this it? He gets a caller.
In this showdown, it's Otis' Ad, Kd vs. "Kralj's" Qc, Tc. Two flush draws, Otis has the advantage.
The river is the diamond Otis wanted and he's back up to 1490.
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Hand #23

Very next hand, Otis raises from an early position to 70. He gets one caller.
The flop is 6d, 5s, Qh. Otis bets 170 and gets no callers. If he didn't have the Q, he at least bet like he did.
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Hand #25

Two hands later, Otis is at 1590 and in the big blind of 20. It's raised to 110 in front of him, and he calls, along with one other.
The flop is Ts, Jh, 2d. A big stack, "Dire Wolf", bets 330. Otis calls, as does another big stack, "get2u."
The turn is the Ks. "Dire Wolf" bets 100, Otis goes all-in for 1150, "get2u" goes all-in for 1530, "Dire Wolf" calls! Is this it?!?
Showdown time, and "get2u" shows Kh, Tc, he's got two pair. "Dire Wolf" has pocket rockets (they're cheap tonight), but he's behind in the hand. Our hero has Kc, Jh, the best two-pair.
The river is a harmless 5d, and Otis is up to 4770 and in 1st place overall. Just like that, the roller coaster is at the top.
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Hand #61

Otis has finally taken a break, after seeing the most action he's seen since his bachelor party. He's in early position when he raises the big blind of 40 to 80. He gets two callers.
The flop is 5c, Ts, 6h. Otis bets 280 and "cycle100cc" calls.
The turn is the 5s. Otis bets 840 and the little stack can't take the heat.
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Hand #63

Otis is at 6970 now, well up on the field. He's in the big blind of 40 and just checks to three callers.
The flop is 6d, 2s, 7c. Otis bets 40 and "cycle100cc" calls.
The turn is the 2c. Otis bets 40 and "cycle100cc" raises to 400. Otis was apparently trapping because he raises the guy all-in and gets called.
In the showdown, "cycle100cc" has As, Jc, but Otis has a boat, thanks to the 7d, 2h. Yep, he's got a boat with 7-2 offsuit, the worst starting hand in poker.
"cycle100cc" gets no help with the Kh on the river, and Otis is now up to 8725.
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Hand #64

Small blind time now, and Otis raises to 80, getting two callers.
The flop is 8h, 6s, 4h. Otis limps with 40 and both call.
The turn is the 6c. Otis limps with 40 and both call.
The river is the 2h. Otis hammers with 480 and both fold. That's what big stacks do. He's up to 9045.
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Hand #71

Big blind time, and Otis checks to three callers.
The flop is 5s, 8c, 3c. "drsteve", the second biggest stack at the table, bets 240, and Otis calls.
The turn is the 2d. Otis bets 60 and gets called.
The river is the Jc, and both check. Otis was apparently trapping because he turns over the nut flush, Ac, Tc. "drsteve" mucks his pair of T's.
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Hand #72

Next hand, and Otis is in the small blind. It's raised to 120 in front of him and he calls, along with one other player.
The flop is Tc, Qd, 9c. Otis bets 360 and both opponents quickly fold.
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Hand #77

Otis has about a 3-to-1 chip lead over the 2nd stack at the table. He raises to 120 and gets re-raised to 180 and then again to 750. Otis calls, and the first re-raiser folds.
The flop is 8h, 4c, 4h. Otis checks and "mkg59" goes all-in for 1050. Otis calls.
It's American Airlines again, but "mkg59" has it. Otis shows a pair of 7's.
The turn is the 3c and the river is the Jh. Otis is down to 7095, but still in first overall.
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It's break #1. They've played for an hour and Otis is at 7815 after taking some blinds. He's got about a 500 chip lead over 2nd place.
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Hand #95

Big blind is up to 100, and Otis raises it to 200. He gets two callers.
The flop is 5s, 3c, 4h. Otis bets 100 and gets one caller.
The turn is the 5h. Otis bets 350 and gets called.
The river is the 9h, which puts a flush draw on the board. Both players check.
"valuator" shows Ad, Kc, but Otis has Ac, 9c, and that nine pushes him to 8665.
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Hand #125

Otis is in early position and raises to 400. "pkschump" goes all-in for 1430, and Otis calls.
"pkschump" has Ks, Jd. Not bad, but Otis shows Ah, Qs.
The flop is 4s, Td, Kh. Uh oh, not good news for our hero.
The turn is the 3h. No help. He needs any A or any J.
The river bring what's needed, with the Jc. Otis wins 3160 and is up to 10195, 2nd place overall.
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Hand #142

Otis bets 400 from an early position and a tiny stack goes all-in for 105.
Otis has Ac, Ts while "scorpion007" has just As, 7d.
It's Ks, Jd, Kd, 6d, Tc, and Otis takes the pot.
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Hand #146

Otis is in the small blind of 100. He raises to 400 and gets one caller.
The flop is Ah, 4d, Qd. Otis bets 200 and "Wyldemaverick" raises to 400. It's a familiar theme as Otis re-raises, and "Wyldemaverick" goes all-in for 2890. Otis calls.
In this showdown, "Wyldemaverick" shows As, Ts and Otis shows Ac, Kh.
This time it's Ah, 4d, Qd, 6s, 7s, and Otis wins 6780 to go to 12890 for 2nd overall.
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Hand #150

Otis raises the big blind of 300 to 600 and gets one caller. "sacopoo" is a small stack at just 1680.
The flop is 5c, 2h, 5s. Both players check.
The turn is the 2c. Otis bets 300 and sees a quick fold. He's up to 13640, 3rd overall.
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Hand #152

UTG, Otis calls the big blind of 300 and six players are in this pot.
The flop is Kc, 6s, Ac. Otis bets 1800, and everyone folds. He's up to 15140.
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Hand #159

Otis raises the big blind to 600 and gets one caller.
The flop is 9d, 7d, 8c, flush and straight draws. Otis bets 300 and "CharlesFloyd" goes all-in for 1750. Otis calls.
This showdown has Otis with 9h, 8h (two pair), but "CharlesFloyd" has 7h, 7s (flopped a set).
The turn is the Ad, and the river is the Ts. Otis is down to 11890.
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Hand #174

Otis calls the big blind, and "trnmtdirector" raises to 1800. Otis calls.
The flop is Tc, 7h, 6s. Otis bets 400 and gets called.
The turn is the 9c. Otis bets 400 and gets called.
The river is the Ad. Otis bets 400 and gets called.
Otis' deuces lose to an A-Q (pair of aces).
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Hand #178

UTG, Otis raises to 800. "dave_a_roo" goes all-in for 970 and Otis calls.
"dave_a_roo" has 6's, but Otis has cowboys.
The cards come 4s, 9s, 9h, Qc, 5c and Otis wins 2340 to get back to 9310.
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It's the 2nd break, and Otis is down to 8510. He only made 700 chips in that hour after making more than 6000 in the first hour.
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Hand #194

The big blind is up to 600, and UTG, Otis raises to 1200. No one calls, a cheap 1500 chip win.
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Hand #195

In the big blind of 600, Otis checks to the call from the small blind.
The flop is 3h, 5c, 6d. "jm823" bets 600, Otis raises to 1200 and "jm823" folds. It's another 2400 chips.
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Hand #197

On the button, (a place Otis has rarely played from), Otis calls the UTG who goes all-in for 2900.
"CharlesFloyd", who flopped the set on Otis earlier, shows 8d, 8s, but Otis has the powerful Kc, Ks.
The flop is 5d, Jd, 4h. No damage to our hero.
The turn is the Td. No damage to our hero, but that third diamond could be a concern.
When the Qd comes down the river, it's the worst beat for Otis thus far. He's down to 7410.

If you're wondering, Otis was an 81% favorite pre-flop. Post-flop, that shot up to 90%. After the turn, Otis was a whopping 95% favorite. Luck was against him here.
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Hand #198

Otis calls an early raise to 1200. Two players are in the pot.
The flop is 7c, Kc, 6d. "jm823" bets 600, Otis calls.
The turn is the 2s. "jm823" bets 600, Otis folds. One of the first late fold from Otis in the tourney. He's down to 5610.
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I'm missing Hand #199, but it wasn't kind to Otis because he lost, dropping him to 2310.
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Hand #200

From the big blind of 800, he checks to two callers.
The flop is 2s, 4c, 3h. "spmcg295", the really big stack, bets 800 and Otis goes all-in for 1510 and gets called.
"spmcg295" shows 2h, Th. Otis has 5s, 2c. That's a pair of deuces for each, but Otis is out-kicked. Otis does have an open-ended straight draw.
The turn is the 3s. That actually helps Otis because now if the turn is anything higher than a T, they'll split.
The river is indeed a Qs, and the pot is chopped. Otis is at 2710.

In this hand, after the flop, Otis was favored 38%, with a 10% chance of a tie. After the turn, Otis' chance of winning dropped to 25% while the chance of a tie went up to 34%. A little luck for our hero.
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Hand #209

The blinds are killing Otis now. He's on the button with just 1110 and goes all-in against "spmcg295".
This time, American Airlines landed in Otis' lap, while "spmcg295" has just deuces.
The cards come 4h, Kd, Ac, 8s, Js, and Otis' three Aces win him 3420.
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Hand #213

Otis is in middle position with 3420. He raises the big blind to 1600 and gets one caller.
The flop is 2c, 9d, Kd. "MileHighTex" bets 1500 and Otis goes all-in for 1820 and gets called. Is this finally it?
"MileHighTex" shows Qs, Td while Otis has the stronger 5d, Ad.
The turn is the 9h and the river is the Kh. Otis is up to 7240.
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Hand #235

Otis is back on the button, but the blinds have him down to 4240. It's raised in front of him, twice, but Otis still goes all-in. It ends up being just him and "MileHighTex" again.
"MileHighTex" shows Kh, Ad, and Otis has Ks, Js. The odds aren't good. This could be it for our hero.
The flop is 4h, 8s, 9d. The turn is the 2s. That gives Otis a flush draw.
The river, however, is the 2h, and Otis busts out.

In this hand, Otis was favored only 30% of the time. After the flop that dropped to just 20%. But when you're short stacked late in a tourney, you take your chances where you can.

Otis finishes in 14th place and wins $58. Not bad, but he was a bad beat away from doing much better!

I had pondered that question for some time.

On the one hand, you'd think it a veritable gold mine of information for one's opponents to study. But apparently, this is not the case for a couple of reasons.

I posed the hole-card cam question question on a forum that I visit regularly, 2+2 Forum, and wanted to post an excerpt from one of the regulars that was particularly interesting... to wit:

I asked Phil Hellmuth about this, and he said it made no difference to him. He explained that the top players all scout each other regardless, and that the comparatively few hands you see in a WPT or WSOP broadcast don't make all that much difference in their scouting.

I then asked him if the extensive scouting gave an advantage to newer players -- e.g.: Chris Moneymaker, Phil Ivey when he first started, etc. -- and he said that was very much the case. He was able to win the WSOP main event early in his career by playing extremely aggressively and taking lots of chances to build his stack. Of course, once everyone figured that out, they began calling him down, and he had to start playing solid hands.

Thanks to CrisBrown for the response. By the way, you should check out the 2+2 forum if you haven't already. Great group of regulars with some great advice and insights.

Cris also brings up another very interesting point, that being the obvious advantage of having SEEN your opponents play when YOU are the unknown.

So... just in case... someday... when I'm at the final table at a WPT event or WSOP, I'm gonna be glad I spent all those hours watching poker on television.