When I do it, it's called masturbation. When you do it, it's called poker supremecy. Hardly fair, I think.
If it weren't for online poker, I may become a Luddite again. Technology has turned us into a nation of nancy boys, school children, and nuns. I know this because the only glowing TV monitor in my bedroom is the video feed from my kid's nursery. I know this because I haven't worked in seven days, TV sucks, and I don't know what to do with myself. I haven't had a beer. I've barely seen the sun.
I'm not sure exactly why I blame technology, but it seems like things that plug in are mostly to blame.
That and my lack of poker skills.
See, I've been running as bad as George Thoroughgood after an evening of nightputting with Satan himself.
And for those of you who don't have a stream of conciousness to English dictionary, allow me to translate:
Otis is ripe for the picking in the upcoming Monty Memorial Poker Blogger/Reader Tournament.
For those new to the poker blog writing/reading community, the past several months have played host to the World Poker Blogger Tour, a series of poker tournaments organized by some of the greatest bloggers in the online community. The fourth stop on this tour will take us back to Pacfic Poker, home of the WPBT III, and home to my second WPBT victory.
I have been fortunate enough to win two of the three events. I say this with no small amount of humbleness, for Mean Gene has been no slouch himself. I feel he may be the Dan Harrington of the blogger community.
Hey, that's a fun aside. Let's all play. In the comments section, pick a blogger--any blogger--and assign her/him a personality based on a TV pro. That should be fun.
Nonetheless, as confident as I have been in the past about my poker ability, and as humble as I have tried to be (again, it is spelled O-T-I-S) in my wins, I can't help but think I'm in a world of trouble come Sunday.
Top Five Sign Otis is Doomed
5) While reacquainting himself with the Pacific interface, he accidentally signed up to play a Heads-Up tournament, placing 24th out of 96 entrants after his ace-high flush got rivered by a Q3 boat.
4) $50 bounty on his head
3) Since the last WPBT event, Otis has twice played live poker with poker blogger Bad Blood and has been revealed for the fraud he really is. BadBlood bubbled in the last event, but cashed in Otis' home tourney. Otis=afraid of Bad Blood.
2) Pride cometh (or is it goeth?) before the fall.
1) The Otis Choke (made famous in every event Otis has ever played in, including but not limited to disc golf).
***
In a chat bar to me today: "Arrogance in the hour of triumph is never forgiven or forgotten."
I have no idea where the quote originated, but I like it. I would've appreciated it a lot more had it not come from a guy who pushed in with J2s on a flush draw against my two pair, which eventually became quads and knocked him out.
***
I can't think straight right now, so I expect no triumph on Sunday night. I should be easy pickings.
Since I don't think I'll cash this time, here's Handicapper Otis with a Top Five Blogger prediction (I can't rank the readers, but I predict at least one places in the top five):
Fifth Place--BadBlood finally breaks his online tourney bubble streak and cashes.
Fourth Place--CJ, webmaster and founder of Up For Poker, having already seen blog-partner Otis bust out before the first break makes a move with big slick and gets caught by pocket aces, held by...
Third Place--Iggy, who in an earlier hand (say it with me) that will be talked about for the next fifty years took out hdouble and Felicia at once.
Second Place-Maudie. After watching Felcia get bounced along with other WCPB, hdouble, Maudie decides she's going to win it all...for womankind, for mankind....for FELINEkind.
First Place--In a win designed only to secure the SoCo bounty on his head, Al Can't Hang takes down top honors. The only question: Will he share?
***
Here ends the least cohesive poker blog entry I've ever written and a perfect example of why I should neither be blogging nor playing poker right now.