"Hello, my name is CJ... and I'm a losing poker player."
I'd like to begin the Losing Poker Player's Anonymous. I just got doing reading the latest over at F Train which included this:
And so now the bankroll on Party is basically exhausted. I have $11. I'm about to take that last $11 and put it into a SNG, and then it will finally be done. I'll have gone bankrupt on Party Poker, a day that I never thought would come.
Then I got the latest Yahoo group message from Felicia which included this:
Even the rock is sometimes the sucker. I have been the sucker lately... One of my biggest advantages in poker has now turned
into a nightmare. I think I need a break. I'll see you all soon.
That all brings us to me. I loaded $500 in Party Poker to get the maximum $150 bonus. That's $650 to use against all those fish I hear so much about.
I feel like I've been one of those fish. My bankroll eventually dwindled below the $100 level and I've cashed it out. I'm not winning at poker right now. I'm not beating the ring games, I'm not beating the tournaments and I'm not beating the SNG's. And I'm allowing my frustration to affect my play.
After I busted out of the tournament at the casino over the weekend, I sat down at a $3-$6-$12 game. It took me very little time at all to turn $100 into $170. I told myself that by the time I left, I'd have paid for my tournament entry fee.
Then it started happening. My cards weren't hitting. I was making bad decisions. I was suffering some vicious defeats. Most of all, I wasn't playing well, and I think I tilted. Hell, I know I tilted. I got up and blew $100 at the craps table.
I specifically remember one hand I'm dealt pocket 10's. The flop comes Q-Q-10. I'm betting the hell out of this thing and getting callers. The turn is a 3. And I'm betting the hell out of this thing and getting callers. And the river? Another 3. I just about fell out of my chair. It's suddenly bet into me and I'm forced to call and see the guy flip a Q.
I know, I know, it's the kind of bad beat we've all gone through. Why should I allow it to affect me? I don't know. But it did.
I've given up on Party, Empire, Ultimate Bet, Pacific, Planet, and just about every other site out there. I have $45 left in my PokerStars account from the day I loaded some money for the WPBT event. I plan on just playing SNG's for now. I like their format and I don't feel confident enough to play anything else.
This week, I'll be playing in a home game format with some guys in Baton Rouge. And Satuday, I might drive down to Baton Rouge for a big multi with a small buy-in. But I have no poker plans beyond that.
I'm not sure what the issue is. I'm not sure what I'm doing wrong and I can't get over that same hump that Felicia is talking about. I'm sure the hump I've hit is one she got over years ago. She's in a spot well advanced of mine, but it's a hump nonetheless.
I'm a rock. I'm a rock that doesn't know how to effectively change gears and I think it's hurting me. I'm going to take a break from intense poker and see if I can just start enjoying time at the tables again. After that... who knows.
"Hi, my name is CJ... and I'm a losing poker player."